guides

The 2017 Guide to Cookout Season

Jessica Johnson

It's cookout season y'all! Here's twelve things you shouldn't do in order to have a great cookout and of course not get your card revoked. We've also enlisted our good friend DJ Meel to create a special summer music playlist just for you.

Enjoy this guide, kick off your shoes, relax your feet and party on down to these "Cookout Season" beats. 


 1. Don't Come Empty Handed

Uncle Joe has been sweating over the meat like a sinner sitting in the front row at revival. You better bring something if you plan on eating because you not about to eat up somebody else groceries and good liquor.

2. Don't Bring No Cheap Liquor
If you really trying to piss everybody off bring some cheap ass liquor and drink up the Hennessey and Ciroc. Nobody wants that new $5 bottle of tequila or no malt liquor and neither do you because it's still sitting in the cooler untouched. Do better.

3. Don't Act Like You Too Good
Don't act like you can't wash a dish or go to the store to grab some more lighter fluid. Who are you to refuse helping out in the kitchen if somebody ask. 

4. Don't Burn Up The Meat
Leave the grilling to men over the age of 40 who wear matching short sets and those sandals. You know what sandals we're talking about. If you don't fit the description and think you can handle your own on the grill, don't burn up the meat!

5. Don't Act a Fool
The barbeque ain't a place to be talking about what somebody didn't do for you 10 years ago, 5 years ago or even yesterday. If you can't stand the company then don't go to the cookout. Don't bring no holleration to this dancery.

6. Don't Have An Attitude
Walk in and speak. You might have not walked in and acted a fool but if you walk in acting funny or jealous you might as well not even have come at all. Don't bring no hateration to this dancery.

7. Don't Let No Strangers in the Food
This tip is for family barbeques. Keep your invited guests out of Auntie's pots. Yeah you invited them over but they don't need to be leaning their head over every pot. Sit them down and make them a plate. 

 

 

8. Don't Be Thotful
Save the thottin and boppin for another day. A cookout is a time to look cute, comfortable and appropriate. Don't be thotful. You may want to get chose, but keep the rompers (fellas) and stillettos (ladies) at home.

9. Don't Leave Your Kids
Kids are welcome at the cookout of course but please don't bring your bad ass kids and then disappear. Not only might we have something to say when you pop back up but don't be surprised if your children's feelings get hurt when they pop off at the mouth. 

10. Don't Leave with More Than One Plate
Food ain't free. Somebody had to pay for all the chicken, all the ribs, and all the liquor. Other people besides you have to eat and you're trying to leave with four to-go plates. All hell to the naw. Don't do it!

11. Don't Just Sit There
The weather is nice and the music is playing. The little kids have been forced to do every dance they know how to do and you're still sitting there. Take a little sip to get that monkey off your back. Dance and enjoy yaself!



12. Don't Go To A Cookout Without Black Card Revoked
You really gonna play the same old games at the cookout? You know you don't want to. Bring Original Flavor or one of our hilarious expansion packs. Take somebody's card or play for cash. 

 

Cookout Season
We hoped you enjoyed this year's cookout season guide. Listen to the Cookout Season playlist here. Throw it on random, lean back and enjoy yourself.